You Know You Are Doing Too Much Karate If…

By Jesse Enkamp

Karate people tend to be too “stiff and serious” sometimes, so let’s try some humor, shall we?

You know you are doing too much Karate if…

  • You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance when waiting for the bus.
  • You trip, go into a roll and come up in a perfect fighting stance, yelling “KIAI!”. In church.
  • You are introduced to someone and you bow deeply to greet them.
  • You stand in horse stance when doing the dishes.
  • You tie your bathrobe belt in a perfect knot; then check to make sure the ends hang exactly even.
  • You scream “NO! The left side of the bathrobe must go on top…”
  • You accept change from the cashier in your local supermarket using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in.
  • When you’re outside doing gardening you find yourself doing more Kobudo kata than work, with all the fancy tools.
  • You answer “HAI!”. To your boss.
  • You look for new accommodation based not on the price or location, but on the amount of practice space it provides.
  • You find yourself practicing bo techniques in miniature with your pencil during dull meetings.
  • You can’t pass a mirror without doing some Karate moves.
  • You find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines. Strangely, most people are standing cautiously far, far away from you.
  • You don’t use any tools while splitting firewood. Only your fists.
  • Every time you handle a screwdriver or bread knife, you just can’t help changing grip; from hammer grip to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc.
  • You always try to backfist the light button when you enter rooms, based on your memory of the button’s location, without looking (I know I’m not the only one!).
  • You open and close doors with various spinning kicks (especially the fridge).
  • You spontaneously bow when going into and out of the bathroom/office/classroom (who hasn’t?).
  • You always do Karate moves when brushing your teeth. Always.

Feel free to fill in the rest!

You know you are doing too much Karate if…

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26 Comments

  • Ellen
    I am glad someone out there is also an intense karate nerd :-)
    Reply
  • Dru
    "You find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines. Strangely, most people are standing cautiously far, far away from you." SO TRUEEEEEE!!!
    Reply
  • Eddy
    Use any surface as a makiwara, not to hit hard but to practice the technique
    Reply
    • Jesse
      Yeah, that's a good one. Reminds me of one of my sensei in Okinawa, who constantly would hit walls, doors, fences, buildings etc, when we were out walking!
      Reply
      • portuguesegojuryu
        i do that as well. specially in school while im waiting for my teachers to get in the classroom... and when im already inside and i feel bored i punch the table o.O
        Reply
  • CrazyJoe
    Well, when we are telling jokes: How many karate students do you need to change a lightbulb? Eight - one will change the lightbulb, the others will stand around in a vivid discussion that in their style it has to be done SLIGHTLY different. (I hope I haven't screwed it up too much, English is not my native language. :-))
    Reply
    • Buddy
      I like that!
      Reply
  • Batman
    I have a friend who collects change with a perfect shuto. I use kiba dachi all the time while doing the dishes and often use axe kicks to open doors, specially if I have my hands full. I usually do something when standing in lines, neko ashi dachi or sanchin dachi or something. I'm not ashamed at all ;;
    Reply
  • portuguesegojuryu
    OMG THIS IS TOTALLY ME XD actually you should correct the title... karate is never too much ;)
    Reply
  • marziotta
    You realise you are not practising enough and your brain cannot retain all the information and start writing a log with what you've learnt after every training session. You try your best to avoid to kick doors to open/close them, but bend the muscles of your arm as if you were going to kick your worst enemy. Your work-mates watch at you as if you were crazy while you are practising from your chair, in the office, and you invent funny names for every movement to let them love karate at least a bit, failing miserably.
    Reply
  • Josep
    I never bow when enter the bathroom!!! But I do most of the others :D
    Reply
  • Jack M
    . you open doors with ashi-barai, hook kicks, punches, back of the wrist strikes dropping into Zenkutsu........ .You slide around in stances, like all the time . you 1-inch punch drawers close .you floor a fellow actor when an improvised scene gets heated. .you parry and enter stance when someone comes in for high five . you jump-kick the light switch (hell yeah) .you are incapable of walking along the landing without doing kihon .you kiai when you hit a cricket ball, or even worse, solve a really hard equation in a maths test . you condition your arms on any nearby wall, desk, worktable . you literally never shut up about Karate!!!!!
    Reply
  • kynzing
    I turn the switch on / off with various kicks .
    Reply
  • Hisham
    Doors and light switches are my favourite too! I ALWAYS use the ridge-hand strike on the main switch while leaving my hostel room. Once I tried to knee-strike the switch on, but the entire switch board caved into the wall... 've been more controlled ever since :D
    Reply
  • Dr.Steve
    I am doing the bows, the "hai", forgetting English words and celebrating more Japanese holidays than American ones!
    Reply
  • G0lden
    You come into drug store for some painkillers, when you hit the "discreet line" and shout Kanku Dai!
    Reply
  • Akshat
    You know you are doimg too much karate if .... You spend hours and hours on KaratebyJesse.com :)
    Reply
  • Sancha
    You know you're doing too much Karate if..... 1. You read, write and talk while in Horse-Riding stance 2. You practise everywhere and anytime 3. You do Karate in your sleep 4. You always change the topic of a conversation to 'Famous Karate moves and how to do them' 5. You feel the need to kick everything and anything 6. Whenever you are next to a fence, you lift your leg up and try to touch the top of the fence 7. You move the arms and legs of your action figures into Karate Positions 8. Hammers, saws, drills e.t.c aren't visible on your property. You have fists for that 9. You can't sit still for 5 seconds without feeling the urge to do some random Karate move 10. You call your teachers 'Sensei' (Unless it's a Japanese teacher or you're in Japan) 11. When you count anything, it's got to be in Japanese (Ichi, ni, san, shi/yon etc.) 12. Your Halloween costume is your Karate Gi, belt, mitts and pads 13. You walk barefoot everywhere 14. You use your Japanese name more than your English/Normal name 15. You do every exercise possible to help your Karate
    Reply
  • Tim
    When doing yoga breathing, I end up using sanchin breathing instead and stand in sanchin stance doing exercises with hand weights. My trainer doesn't even try to correct me anymore. Oh, of the above list, the stance thing is real. But who uses back fist for lights? Use your foot for crying out loud like the rest of us...
    Reply
  • Debora Verniz
    I do close doors behind me with back kicks! hahaha
    Reply
  • Scott Taylor
    Brother & I training with our Canadian team for an international meet. Finished and went to watch movie and grab dinner. Bowed going through the theater doors.
    Reply
  • Monica
    Dang. I am not doing enough karate.
    Reply
  • Swapnil kyokushin
    You always use a mawashi geri to switch on the bathroom light. If u find a pole by ur grocery shop u just can't help a bit of shin conditioning.
    Reply
  • José LAURENT
    While doing fast-walking exercises in the water, waist-deep, parallel to the beach line, you end up standing in kiba-dachi in the water, til the sand anchors you in..... happily buoyant... til the little fish and curious sea things come nipping around at your legs, as if you are a new underwater sunken wreck! Island-style Karate. Antigua and Barbuda.
    Reply

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